In many cases, parent-child estrangements are a cycle — “they’ll re-engage, then they’ll fall out again,” Blake said. “One of the key things from the research is that adult children will reach out and if they see nothing has changed, they’ll estrange again.”
No, I actually think it’s a pretty good article, and comes surprisingly close to outright saying the parents are the problem
In my experience, even when I’ve framed it as “something needs to change” to try to be less direct in saying that they need to change, they still just say “correct, you do need to change.” Hopefully some people will get it, though.
A few years ago, my dad was upset about how “you can’t say man or woman anymore. How are you gonna call the cops on someone robbing you? Say ‘It was a person average height!’ Or they’ll arrest you for using the word man!”
I just asked if he was fucking stupid and does that sound like something that would even remotely happen, then said I was leaving if that’s how he thinks and left. Ignored any attempts at contact until he apologized and admitted he might be a little incorrect, which was progress enough to start.
I’m happy that your dad was smart enough to realize that he was being a dumbass and apologized.
I haven’t spoken to my uncle in a year and change because the stupid fuck tries to compare the horrors conservatives had to endure under Biden to people being snatched off the street by masked thugs or being murdered in broad daylight by ICE. I told the dumb fuck he needed to do some thinking and realize why I was mad if he wanted to talk to me again, and I finally blocked him from even texting me cuz the stupid fuck repeatedly texted me me to call him about one thing or another to try to get me to drop my boundary.
I cut my mother out of my life years before (and he agreed with my decision then LOL) for dumb bullshit, I don’t know why he thought he’d be any different.
Lmao that’s the hardest thing is realizing that there’s no magic words that will ever pierce their skull. They keep acting like you speak a foreign language because it’s easier to fake “not getting it” rather than come out and say the truth which is “I don’t value you enough to change my behavior”.
“You’re putting it all in me, but you had a hand in this, too.” Yeah, no, I never said I blamed her for <incident that broke the camel’s back>, just that it was a really bad experience and one I didn’t want to repeat.
My mom is such a martyr. Smartest one in any room and the most willing to let everyone walk all over her for the sake of group cohesion, especially when she’s not the one that bears the weight of the group. (that is, she’ll volunteer her kids for duties, give their stuff away, and take risks with family health in order to not rock the boat. Why yes, I do blame her for getting my immunocompromised dad sick. She should not have gone to that “mandatory unmasked work Christmas breakfast potlock” in December 2020. It couldn’t have been too mandatory if she retired 2 months later.)
And ignoring the fact that they worship a man who is famous for never taking responsibility for anything, and that is exactly part if the problem in the first place.
Do you not read books or something? These dashes have been in almost every novel I’ve ever read. They’re a pretty common linguistic convention if you spend any time consuming media that isn’t written in dumbed down internet lingo.
Lots of comic book letters used to (probably still do) use – to separate a little aside from the main thought. After using that for 30 years I learned it was an em-dash.
Dude. I learned to use a double dash for effect back in 1986 and I have used the hell out of that fucker ever since. Stop pretending that there’s one magical symbol that determines 100% that something was written by AI.
This isn’t as universally true as a lot of people seem to think. I’m not defending this particular article, as I haven’t even read it yet. However MS Word has been auto updating a dash to an em dash for years. Where do you think AI got it from in the first place?
It can be a marker for text that is written in places where plain text is preserved. In a written article that most likely started as a word document? Not always the case.
I had never even heard of an em-dash until I started reading comments about AI using them. I had always just used a hyphen in the same way. Since I like to think of myself as an educated writer, I started using them. Now people think I’m AI lol.
{{tell amusing story about being mistaken for AI}}
AI learned that from training data, which means it was used by humans writing this kind of text. At least that was true before AI started feeding on itself.
If my in-laws watch this show the expert must be telling people to play the victim card whenever direct communication happens and post passive aggressive memes on Facebook.
and use any leverage you got, emotional or material. (It was both in my case)
No, seriously, I’d love to know what the “expert” said.
…
The article itself is boilerplate advice. Basic stuff: really listen, admit your own mistakes, don’t get angry. Avoid labeling. What’s of course more interesting is why adult children choose to cut ties with their FOX-infested parents. And that article is extremely problematic.
L. O. L. That second article has some choice bits. Point 2 is almost good enough to post in its entirety:
“Someone might see a video on TikTok — ‘I cut off my parents, and I’m much happier now. They were toxic narcissistic boundary crossers. And now I’m great,’” he said. “And people mimic that. Or they think, ‘Oh, this person’s getting a lot of attention.’”
Kids are going no contact for attention because of social media
Although he acknowledged that there are no long-term studies that have definitively documented an increase, “that doesn’t mean absence of evidence isn’t evidence of absence.”
Just cuz we don’t have evidence of the thing I’m claiming, that doesn’t mean I’m wrong
According to Blake, society has shifted away from what he described as a “dignity culture” toward one that places greater value on “victim culture.”
“So now it’s a race to the bottom,” he said. “If you don’t have enough victim status because of the way you were born, you can create a victim status by suggesting your parents abused you or neglected you … and therefore you have value, a reason to cut them off.”
And it gets worse… The very next bit
The expert also pointed to what he described as “therapy culture,” claiming that changing attitudes toward trauma and abuse have influenced how some people view relationships with their parents.
People are now seeing abuse for what it is, and abusers are mad about it
“Another justification is, ‘I cut off my parents to protect my mental health’ — and this is a sort of false belief,” he told Fox News Digital. “There is this huge bias that if you’re struggling in your adult life, it must be because your parents did something they shouldn’t or didn’t do something.”
Yep, we’re just faking being miserable dealing with magat family members how abused and mistreated us from childhood to adulthood. Clearly sticking by them is better for your mental health.
Blake also raised the issue of “moralized language,” or “therapy words” that get thrown at parents — “such as abuse, toxic, boundaries, narcissists, gaslighting.”
Yeah, even though he quickly follows it up with legit advice like asking for evidence of the behavior and using ‘I’ instead of ‘you’ or avoiding ‘always’/‘never’ statements, that is a whole color guard of red flags that tell me this dude needs to go fornicate with a cactus before anyone listens to him.
I’ve had a narcissist parent attempt to try to DARVO my setting boundaries to protect my mental health from her emotional abuse into me being the toxic one because I wouldn’t keep tolerating the cycle of abuse.
“If you look at the outcomes of the gentle parenting or the permissive parenting that we’ve slipped into, we have the most mentally ill generation in history, the least fit for adulthood,” Blake suggested. “Perhaps we should be learning from our grandparents more than the therapists.”
Yeah, we should just beat our children till they fall in line, or throw them in an asylum where we don’t have to look at or deal with them. Much better.
“Therapy is so bad for the children! It’s turning them against their abusive parents by allowing them to start the process of healing, after which they begin to realize that healing will always be limited to a cycle of progression and regression until they cut out the toxic people who repeatedly sabotage their growth every time they start to show improvement. I’m so tired of this victim culture where the children of abusive parents act like they’re the victims! Why can’t they just take responsibility for their own decisions, such as being born to a particular family, or being neglected and constantly put down by the very people who are supposed to be a source of safety and stability in their lives? When I was their age everyone in the neighborhood’s dads were all war veterans with PTSD who would beat the shit out of us and send us to the store to buy milk and cigarettes. We all turned out fine! Now get off my lawn.”
Let me guess, their “expert” says to double down.
Yup, sorta “stand your ground” with that opinion so we can rule you via divide and conquer and your dependency on feeding your narrative.
I want TV’s with cameras to make sure that all people are watching the two minutes hate in the morning.
–the current administraion probably
No, I actually think it’s a pretty good article, and comes surprisingly close to outright saying the parents are the problem
In my experience, even when I’ve framed it as “something needs to change” to try to be less direct in saying that they need to change, they still just say “correct, you do need to change.” Hopefully some people will get it, though.
A few years ago, my dad was upset about how “you can’t say man or woman anymore. How are you gonna call the cops on someone robbing you? Say ‘It was a person average height!’ Or they’ll arrest you for using the word man!”
I just asked if he was fucking stupid and does that sound like something that would even remotely happen, then said I was leaving if that’s how he thinks and left. Ignored any attempts at contact until he apologized and admitted he might be a little incorrect, which was progress enough to start.
I’m happy that your dad was smart enough to realize that he was being a dumbass and apologized.
I haven’t spoken to my uncle in a year and change because the stupid fuck tries to compare the horrors conservatives had to endure under Biden to people being snatched off the street by masked thugs or being murdered in broad daylight by ICE. I told the dumb fuck he needed to do some thinking and realize why I was mad if he wanted to talk to me again, and I finally blocked him from even texting me cuz the stupid fuck repeatedly texted me me to call him about one thing or another to try to get me to drop my boundary.
I cut my mother out of my life years before (and he agreed with my decision then LOL) for dumb bullshit, I don’t know why he thought he’d be any different.
Lmao that’s the hardest thing is realizing that there’s no magic words that will ever pierce their skull. They keep acting like you speak a foreign language because it’s easier to fake “not getting it” rather than come out and say the truth which is “I don’t value you enough to change my behavior”.
Once I gave up and quit my life got a lot easier.
Do they ever hit you with this one?
“Take responsibility for your actions/decisions!” While ignoring their own responsibility in it…
“You’re putting it all in me, but you had a hand in this, too.” Yeah, no, I never said I blamed her for <incident that broke the camel’s back>, just that it was a really bad experience and one I didn’t want to repeat.
Did you still get “Will you STOP BLAMING ME!!1!” in response to you being uncomfortable with their behavior?
Yeah, that’s fun.
My mom is such a martyr. Smartest one in any room and the most willing to let everyone walk all over her for the sake of group cohesion, especially when she’s not the one that bears the weight of the group. (that is, she’ll volunteer her kids for duties, give their stuff away, and take risks with family health in order to not rock the boat. Why yes, I do blame her for getting my immunocompromised dad sick. She should not have gone to that “mandatory unmasked work Christmas breakfast potlock” in December 2020. It couldn’t have been too mandatory if she retired 2 months later.)
And ignoring the fact that they worship a man who is famous for never taking responsibility for anything, and that is exactly part if the problem in the first place.
I stopped reading as soon as I saw the double length hyphen which means it is almost definitely AI slop.
Or was written at a level above your ability, it would appear.
Fucking sheep are as bad as clankers.
Do you not read books or something? These dashes have been in almost every novel I’ve ever read. They’re a pretty common linguistic convention if you spend any time consuming media that isn’t written in dumbed down internet lingo.
Lots of comic book letters used to (probably still do) use – to separate a little aside from the main thought. After using that for 30 years I learned it was an em-dash.
Dude. I learned to use a double dash for effect back in 1986 and I have used the hell out of that fucker ever since. Stop pretending that there’s one magical symbol that determines 100% that something was written by AI.
Oh ok. So you’re a moron. I understand.
This isn’t as universally true as a lot of people seem to think. I’m not defending this particular article, as I haven’t even read it yet. However MS Word has been auto updating a dash to an em dash for years. Where do you think AI got it from in the first place?
It can be a marker for text that is written in places where plain text is preserved. In a written article that most likely started as a word document? Not always the case.
It’s a punctuation mark. It’s used to connect two related but separate thoughts. People can use it just like ai does.
AI only learned to use it because it’s a pretty common thing for people to use…
I had never even heard of an em-dash until I started reading comments about AI using them. I had always just used a hyphen in the same way. Since I like to think of myself as an educated writer, I started using them. Now people think I’m AI lol.
{{tell amusing story about being mistaken for AI}}
I never even heard it called an em dash until it came up in these AI discussions, it was always a double dash as I knew it.
There’s only one double dash in my universe!
Letsa goo!
No that’s Mario Kart for the gamecube.
This may cause you to blanch with horror, but there was no Mario Kart in 1986.
And we only ate what we hunted and we rode dinosaurs
Consider me blanched.
AI learned that from training data, which means it was used by humans writing this kind of text. At least that was true before AI started feeding on itself.
If my in-laws watch this show the expert must be telling people to play the victim card whenever direct communication happens and post passive aggressive memes on Facebook.
That’s the narcissist playbook, congrats you have narcs in your life
and use any leverage you got, emotional or material. (It was both in my case)
No, seriously, I’d love to know what the “expert” said.
…
The article itself is boilerplate advice. Basic stuff: really listen, admit your own mistakes, don’t get angry. Avoid labeling. What’s of course more interesting is why adult children choose to cut ties with their FOX-infested parents. And that article is extremely problematic.
L. O. L. That second article has some choice bits. Point 2 is almost good enough to post in its entirety:
Kids are going no contact for attention because of social media
Just cuz we don’t have evidence of the thing I’m claiming, that doesn’t mean I’m wrong
And it gets worse… The very next bit
People are now seeing abuse for what it is, and abusers are mad about it
Yep, we’re just faking being miserable dealing with magat family members how abused and mistreated us from childhood to adulthood. Clearly sticking by them is better for your mental health.
Yeah, even though he quickly follows it up with legit advice like asking for evidence of the behavior and using ‘I’ instead of ‘you’ or avoiding ‘always’/‘never’ statements, that is a whole color guard of red flags that tell me this dude needs to go fornicate with a cactus before anyone listens to him.
I’ve had a narcissist parent attempt to try to DARVO my setting boundaries to protect my mental health from her emotional abuse into me being the toxic one because I wouldn’t keep tolerating the cycle of abuse.
Yeah, we should just beat our children till they fall in line, or throw them in an asylum where we don’t have to look at or deal with them. Much better.
This dude can get entirely fucked.
They quoted the same Texas psychologist for both, and lordy does he come off as much more of a far right loon in the latter.
For context, he blames “victim culture,” “gender ideology,” “therapy” and “tiktok” for estrangement. Pretty clear to see where his biases lie.
All of his arguments boil down to “Keep your kids from finding support and you can keep them on your Boomer Plantation forever!”
You just reminded me not to call my mother.
I want to both laugh with you AND say I am sorry you experience(d) all that.
When your mother’s sense of humor conflates mental abuse for funny…
“Therapy is so bad for the children! It’s turning them against their abusive parents by allowing them to start the process of healing, after which they begin to realize that healing will always be limited to a cycle of progression and regression until they cut out the toxic people who repeatedly sabotage their growth every time they start to show improvement. I’m so tired of this victim culture where the children of abusive parents act like they’re the victims! Why can’t they just take responsibility for their own decisions, such as being born to a particular family, or being neglected and constantly put down by the very people who are supposed to be a source of safety and stability in their lives? When I was their age everyone in the neighborhood’s dads were all war veterans with PTSD who would beat the shit out of us and send us to the store to buy milk and cigarettes. We all turned out fine! Now get off my lawn.”
I wouldn’t be shocked if they said to kidnap said adult children and send them to reeducation camps brought to you by PragerU
Even better, it was “hostage negotiation tactics.”