Around here (Texas), it’s the cream cheese and smoked salmon that make a place call it a Philly Roll, and the avocado vs cucumber varies by restaurant. Avocado is pretty popular though, because anything that evokes Tex-Mex will find an audience.

This is also a grocery store Philly Roll. We’re already past simple fusion and into some Red Giant Helium-to-Oxygen shit. If my man wants some ranch, then so be it. He’s not denying himself an unsullied cross-cultural experience.