I used to get this with Tumbleweed by the time I’ve finished my previous update.

I jest of course but I once had to update it after being away for a week and it had like 14 GB of updates. By the time it finished another 450 MB of updates were available.

Why wouldn’t you just get an old Nokia for like £10? We see loads of these, they get released a you never hear from them again. You may like the idea but for most people you need stuff like a browser sometimes because it’s pretty much necessary in modern society.