Eh-I

So did they fix the cable?

Dad, which end of the toaster is the engine in?

Arm then with real munitions you cowards!

Oh bless your heart

We can’t let mayors do that kind of shit though. You know how many yee-heil podunk mayors out there would start arresting every unauthorized tan?

It lets them shuffle numbers around on a spreasheet to invent new money. This isn’t an oopsy.

Do I even want to click the link to find out which congress-person this is?

This is like asking a rock to to investigate Andrew Tate’s ties, or asking a wish… Is it the lady in New Mexico? I’m going to click now

DANG IT

Thats just celebrity culture.

What kind of weak shit is this. We’re talking about Nazis and eugenics and you come up with ‘boys will be boys it’s our fault for not looking away’

What does history teach us about stopping fascism?

I know, what about a fake password that wipes the phone?

It is actually harder to torture a password out of someone than hold the phone up to their face.

Constitution ain’t got shit to do with that one way or another.

UM ACTUALLY

“We went to the Olive Garden and I ordered spaghetti. Hung had the fettuccine.”

PG-13

“We went to the Carrabba’s and I ordered spaghetti. Hung had the fettuccine.”

Funny coming from a guy who should have already be hunged.

FIFY

He didn’t say which planet. Bastard Cardies

Elected officials are loaded with copper.

alexa play despacito

I say we see how long we can keep someone alive on machines.

I had lunch with Mitch McConnell today and he bit into a Hot Pocket straight out of the microwave. He’s never been more alive.

I like saying, “If you ever feel useless, just remember that somebody is installing turn signals at the BMW factory.”